5 Reasons to Marry Michael Phelps

Sue,

You and I may be happily off the market, but for all the Domestic Divas and Domestic Bachelorettes oozing fabulosity out there in the blogosphere, I have a proposition. Nay, a plea.

Please, please, one of you - find, date, and marry Michael Phelps!

Watching the Beijing Olympics has been inspiring and moving on many levels. Perhaps chief among them is witnessing the Olympic idol that is Michael Phelps, and daydreaming about eating Nutella off his torso.

Sigh.

Ok, so his ears stick out a bit and apparently he's a little awkward on land due to his innate fishiness, but here are the five reasons that he is super dreamy Olympic husband material:

5. Considering his penchant for gold medals, he clearly appreciates bling. Bodes well for an engagement ring, wedding band, and assorted anniversary gifts, no?

4. And hello endorsements! This guy will be rollin' in the dough after these Olympics. Snag him now, so he'll know to put some of that money away for your Ring of Dreams. And what a ring it will be! (See reason 5 above.)

3. How cute is he with his mom and sisters in the stands? Beware of his mama's boy potential, of course, but he clearly appreciates fabulous women.

2. One (aforementioned) word: torso.

and the Number One reason to marry Michael Phleps:

1. He is the greatest swimmer and Olympian of all time, and truly seems like a nice guy to boot. Need I say more?

Get on it, ladies! And please keep us posted on the conquest. I'll supply the Nutella.

xoxo,

Jen

Partnership Rings: Right Hand to Left Hand

Dearest Jen,

Please confirm that those Brits really do wear their engagement/wedding/partnership rings on their right hands. I don't want all our European readers to be confused from my blog post title.

Today, the Doctor told me that he was experimenting and wearing his usual "ring-finger" ring on his left hand (in the States, the wedding hand... in India, the hand you wipe your ass with, but I digress). Anyway, it was tres cute to hear. He asked that I move my fancy-looking ring that I wear on my right hand and move it to my left as well, to "see what it's like" as he found it to be rather powerful.

I think he's just feeling sensitive and cutesy, as we just spent a fabulous weekend with my family up in the country. We went hiking, wine-tasting, cheered at the tractor-pull (hello, I'm from farm-country), and got harassed by my mother.

The priceless conversation I had with my Asian mother this past weekend included the following:

Judgemental Asian Mother (JAM): "So, what form of birth control do you guys use?"
Horrified Domestic Partner Daughter (HDPD): "What did you ask?"
JAM: "You heard me. What kind of birth control do you use?"
HDPD: "Ma, please!"
JAM: "I'm just wondering, Sue. Mama loves you and wants to know."
HDPD: (Lying) "Condoms." (Ahem, we don't really, but I had to make up something.)
JAM: "Oh, terrific! You know, you three girls were all condom babies, which means you may accidentally get pregnant! Hurrah!"

So, apparently it's fine by my rather-conservative Asian mother that I get knocked up since we're in a Domestic Partnership. In fact, I can just imagine her praying to her buddhas every night that I get a buddha-belly stat.

I must say that reading your post about housing teenage girls for the next couple of days is the best form of birth control out there.

Love,

Mother of a Future Bastard Child

Lady of Leisure Gets Reprimanded

Jen,

It’s funny. I had never visited the Tiffany’s website or knew the difference between cushion or princess diamonds before I met you, my beloved Domestic Goddess. To me they all looked the same, and a baguette was something you ate in France, rather than put around your diamond.

My point is this: you are the queen of all this stuff! If anyone can plan a super-duper-icky-cheesy-ridiculously-sweet-making-Domestic-Partner-barf wedding, it’s you!

I think it’s just a minor bump in your journey down the Thames River. You should be taking advantage of making all your girlfriends jealous over the remaining Lady of Leisure months you have! I mean, ew, you are spending your days seeing your trainer, shopping, and then seeing your future hubby in the evenings and boinking him. You’re like all those mummies at our fundraising job that we used to hate because we were so jealous of them.

All will be well soon, not to worry. In the meantime, maybe you can make this wedding planning chaos a bit more fun. For instance, play naked twister, but under each of the circles, have different options for what the appetizers should be. If you fall on a red circle, maybe that means you’ll have duck rather than chicken as the main course.

I don’t know, all this stuff is giving me a big pre-coital headache. This is why I got DPd at the bank.

Onward, DG, onward!

Wendi