Jen: Domestic Goddess or Domestic Bod-dess?

Sue,

So now that I am a lame-o graduate student, my twice-weekly workouts with Colossus have now been cut in half. Sadly, I will only see him on weekends now - the only thing that's (way) worse is only seeing The Lawyer on weekends too but DO NOT even get me started on that one.

Anyway, I am a little worried that graduate school will stifle my progress with my Colossal Butt-Kickings. But for now, at least, I am still Colossus' star pupil. In fact, in our last session, Colossus told me (seriously) that if I wanted to, I could be a professional bodybuilder. 

Ok now stop laughing.

"Google Jennifer Nicole Lee," he said. "If you put yourself to it, you could be like her."

So DomestiGal Jen Googled this Jennifer. And here is what I found.

Photo: http://hollywoodfitnessmodels.blogspot.com

Um, I'm sorry, WHAT?! Also: I promise she's a fitness guru, not a porn star.

Yes, this is the woman Colossus claims I can be:

Photo: http://www.healthylivingnyc.com

Hell YEAH!

Um, except I will never look like that. For the following reasons:

A) I'm a graduate student, so there is beer. 

B) Be it banned or not, I am a Nutellaholic and always will be.

C) I would rather have The Lawyer invest in my Ring of Dreams than a Rack of Dreams.

But obv I am totally flattered that Colossus sees such potential (even if he is in for ultimate disappointment). And this woman is actually fairly fabulous and underwent an A to the Mazing transformation to get to where she is. 

Here she is on Oprah - check out the "before" pics and the cute exercises she does with her kiddies:

Pretty rad, eh?

And I will totally be using those fitness moves when I have babies. Yipee! Babies!

Love,

Jennifer the Domestic Bod-dess

Butt-Busting Tips from a Blushing Bride-to-Be

Sue,

I have had a few requests to share how my tuchus is looking so fine these days. And while I cannot give away all of Colossus' secrets, I do have some tips I'd be thrilled to spill into DomestiGal Land.

Granted, you all must take my word for it when I say I'm lookin' hot. But I'd be the first to admit if my efforts with Colossus were not paying off. It would not be worth banning Nutella from my pantry, trust me.

So here is an example of one of my workouts (which takes about an hour):
Elevated lunges (4 sets/8 reps)
Chest presses (4 sets/8 reps)
[break]
Lunge jumps (4 sets/30 reps)
Tricep dips (4 sets/15 reps OR 8 reps with weight)
Crunches on the exercise ball (4 sets/15 reps)
Push-ups (4 sets/10 reps)
[break]
Tabata squat and press (8 sets/8 reps)

Here in more detail are some of the tuchus-oriented moves:

Elevated lunges - 4 sets of 8 reps per leg, with weights in each hand
I do these with one foot up on a step, like the side of a treadmill. The elevation increases the range of motion. Also, some exercise mags or books tell you that you have to keep your front leg at a 90-degree angle when you lunge down: FALSE. Feel free to bend the leg over your foot - the farther the range of motion the more muscles you will use. Also, remember, don't be afraid to use heavy weights. Women's legs are stronger than men's, so we can handle some major weight with this exercise without developing gladiator legs. The heavier the weights I use, the more toned - not big - my legs look the next day. It is truly a Dyson-caliber miracle!

Step-ups - 4 sets of 8 reps per leg, with weights in each hand; try to work up to 15 reps per leg
These will kick your hiney but in a good way! Substitute them for the lunges in the workout above. Take a weight in each hand. Stand next to a sturdy(!!!) bench. Put one foot up on the bench. Step up with that leg, and bring your other knee up to your chest, then back down to the floor. Repeat 8 times, then move to the other side of the bench and switch legs. These are a total cardio workout too. Bonus!

Lunge jumps - 4 sets of 30 reps (NO weights on this one! They are hard enough as-is!)
Stand with your hands on your hips. Jump into a lunge (one foot forward, one back, kneeling almost to the floor). From that position, as you stand up, jump again - switching legs into another lunge. Colossus makes me do this for at least a minute straight, which is hell. On my own I do 30 reps (Ssshhhh! Don't tell him!).

Squat-thrusts - 4 sets of 30 reps (No weights on this one either!)
The Lawyer and I call these "Froggy Jumps" - start in a downward-dog-like position (for you Domestic Yogis!), with palms on the floor, feet on the floor, and your butt up in the air. Jump forward, as high a jump as you can and as far forward as you can; then jump back to starting position. Repeat as fast as you can. Substitute these for the lunge jumps in the workout above.

Ok, on to Tabata!

This is the grand finale of every workout with Colossus (read: the most butt-kicking exercise of all, coming at the end of the workout when you're already totally exhausted)...

Tabata has many variations but the important thing is this: do intervals of 20 seconds on, 10 seconds off, for about 4 minutes. This is a great, fat-burning end to a workout and was the result of a landmark study in 1996 by this guy, Dr. Izumi Tabata:

And his peeps.

The way I do it is this: Start with weights in each hand. Stand with your feet about shoulder-width apart, whatever is comfortable for squatting down. Curl the weights up to your shoulders. Squat down as far as you can go (stick that butt out!), and as you stand up, press the weights up until your arms are straight up and you are standing straight up. Bring the weights back to your shoulders and repeat.

PHEW!

Feelin' the burn yet, ladies?

If any of you have other workout tips (ahem, concave-stomached SUE!) feel free to share! Communal hotness abounds!

Your squatting fiend forever,

Domestic Goddess Jen

P.S. I also just happened upon this FABULOUS blog by the Fit Bottomed Girls (first of all could I love their name any more? No, I could not.). Gals, you will be hearing more about (and from!) these ladies in the near future... until then, squat yourselves silly!

LOW-Carb, Thank You Very Much!

Dearest DomestiGal Sue,

Well, between the new season of Gossip Girl (Missing another episode tonight! The horror, the horror!), the broadcast of Stand Up to Cancer, and Britney's triumphant return to hotness last night on the VMAs, I am really going through some mayjah USofA withdrawal. Sigh.

But we have a lot to cover here. I'll get right to it and try to stay focused:

1. My bum. Tighter and tighter every day, baby.

2. My vitamins. Colossus currently has me on a regimen of vitamins, supplements, and protein shakes... a little intense, but I am seeing results (bye bye 10% of my love-handles in one week!) so I can't complain. I am currently taking multi-vitamins; a capsule that contains fenugreek, bitter gourd, and gymnema leaf (yeah, I didn't know what they were either); and my personal savior, fish oil. 

Seriously Sue? Can we have a moment for the wonders of fish oil? You're the one who first turned me onto it, if you recall. Amazing stuff. Deserves its own "DomestiGals Heart..." post, methinks!

3. My diet. Is LOW-carb, not no-carb. Low-carb, high-protein, Nutella-free. That's me! So torture me all you want with descriptions of your decadent NYC meals, missy. I'm gonna go have me some sushi WITH rice! Aw yeah! How do you like THAT?

(Really how depressing is it that when The Lawyer and I go out for sushi it's a treat to eat the rice. A twee pathetic, eh?)

As for your latest jewelry ideas, I must say I was disappointed to see a total lack of sparkle (were you scared by my last reaction? Probably.) but those are lovely designs. Waaaaay too alterna-bride for me, but you could pull them off quite well.

So? Does this mean you have relented? Has The Doctor won? Are you going to get and - gasp! - actually wear a ring???

Do tell!

xoxo,

DG

More ring talk! Has DomestiGal Sue lost her mind?

DomestiGal Jen,

Oy. I just can't even believe you're heading back to school to complete your MBA. The thought of you straining your brain to do something other than wedding gift shopping is just beyond the beyond! Please remember the rest of us in DomestiGal Land when you're off nerding out.

Okay, so I finally found two rings that I'm pretty much ridiculously obsessed with. And, best yet, my new friend Yaf has worked at the store, Versani, for the past several years. We met the other night at my business coach, Kim's, fabulous birthday party at Kittichai.

Ahem. Obviously what's more important than rings? Food, duh.

First I have to tell you all about the food I had at Kittichai in SoHo, because it was beyond the beyond fabulous.

*Coconut and organic chicken relish with crispy jasmine rice crackers
*Seabass tempura with sweet chili-tamarind sauce
*Chocolate baby back ribs with Thai spices
Um, excuse me, did you hear me?
That's right, CHOCOLATE baby back ribs with Thai spices.

(Jen, get your hand out of that Nutella Jar, you Dirty DomestiGal! Colossus insists that your rear end be tighter than Michael Phelps' bum by next year. How do you expect your dress-of-dreams to zip up if you continue to be so undisciplined!)

*Flourless chocolate cake with fresh cream
*Banana spring rolls with honey cream

Jen, do tell the rest of our community how all that personal training and no-carb diet is working out for you? Any special vitamins you're taking recently?

Dear god I'm such a terrible, fat cow and a lousy friend.

Anyway, back to the matter of my left hand.

Check it here.












www.versani.com

I know all you DomestiGal diamond-lovers out there will be horrified that I want this as my "partnership ring." But I just love it.

I'm also pretty much obsessed with this one as well. Check it, ladies, here.













www.versani.com

So this is how I see it. Right now, gold is tres in here in Manhattan. (That said, I suppose gold is always very in during the summer time.) Anyway, I'm kind of thinking that gold one can be my pseudo engagement ring (even though I never plan to be engaged... or married for that matter), and then the first one, the Russian Wedding Band, can be my official DomestiGal Partnership Ring. Oops, ahem. Of course I meant my official Domestic Partner Partnership Ring.

Some days I'll wear gold; other days I'll wear white gold.

And obviously my underwear will always match.

Love,

Foie-gras and fat eating Sue

Gossip Girl Grief

Sue,

I can't remember if you even own a TV or not, so my current state of total devastation might mean nothing to you. But please, just give me a moment to indulge in my Gossip Girl grief.

I have been living here in the UK for almost nine months now (Biological Clock! I order you to cease and desist! Do NOT think about what else could have been happening in that amount of time!) and there are a lot of things I like about being here. For example:

London...

• is not disgustingly sweltering in the summer.
  
• is home to Colossus, the Trainer of Dreams (seriously you should feel my butt these days).
  
• is a 90-minute flight to the Hofbrauhaus.
  
• contains more Nutella per capita than anywhere else in the world.*
  

However, London has one ghastly fault:

London, tease that she is, does not air Gossip Girl when the US does. She airs it, alright, but - later. An unspecified amount of time later.

Thus the reason for my dark pashmina of mourning today. As season two of GG airs in the States, I will be - well, technically, I will be asleep, but also - praying for a swift deliverance of "series two" (as they dub it here) to the British airwaves.

What's the big deal, you ask? Let me break it down for you, oh unenlightened one:

Gossip Girl...

• is fashionista porn!
  
• is mayjah dramz!
  
• is metrosexual eye candy!
  
• is camptastic!
  

I am not exaggerating when I say that it was the highlight of my spring when, in one of her scenes last season, Georgina (evil bitch that she was) carried the same bag The Lawyer bought me for our anniversary. I have rarely felt so fashionable. And downright awesome.

So Sue, if you do have a TV, please tune in for me. Gals everywhere, reap every morsel of enjoyment out of the second seasoning.

You know you love me.

XOXO

DomestiGirl

*Ok, made that one up. But it sure feels true when you've outlawed Nutella until your honeymoon!

Why I Heart and Hate Europe

Sue,

Sorry it has taken me a few days to reply... I am finally recovered from your scandalous commentary (and the scary visuals that went with it - yikes). Not that I'm opposed to porn, per se, but, well, yes, I think perhaps you need a break. Ack! Now I'm all flustered again. Ok, focus.

So, I spoke too soon. Not about porn, but about chocolate. Specifically, Nutella (or, as it is known to us true devotees, Sex in a Jar). I knew I should not have made such a big deal about banishing Nutella from my pantry and my heart until my honeymoon. Because I live in Europe now, and as the old saying goes, you can take the girl out of the Nutella, but you can't take the Nutella out of the continent. Or whatever.

LOOK AT THIS:

Your eyes do not deceive you. That is a GIANT GLASS PITCHER of Nutella, you know, just casually gracing the shelf of a grocery store.

Argh! Will Colossus and my upcoming nuptials be enough to help me conquer this foe???

Stay tuned. And put the vibrator down.

xoxo,

DG

Porn and Partnerships

Dear Domestic Goddess,

Ahem. How are you living in Europe without eating granola every single day? When I studied in Paris, I used to stay home on Friday nights (or, perhaps, also on Saturday nights), just to eat my granola with real chocolate chunks in it. I would race down the hallway to my friend's room and order her to hide the box of chocolate granola from me! Why the U.S. can't have this simple delight is beyond comprehension; that said, I'd be 20 pounds heavier if they did.

So. Um. Did you guys seriously not eat carbs and not drink in Italy? That seems a bit insane. No gelato? No red wine? No pasta? DG, I no longer have respect for you.

Things in Domestic Partnership land are grand, I will admit. Thankfully, I'm on baby-hiatus, no doubt in part to the fact that you've returned from your big voyage. I've got home-hunting on my mind, rather than leg-spreading.

Speaking of which... I've decided I need to take a break from porn. My addiction to it has gone too far, and I need a long hiatus. Have you and The Lawyer started watching it together yet? When The Doctor was gone last weekend, I went a bit vibrator-crazy with some of my favorite porn sites. Aside from the fact that one of the sites downloaded annoying SpyWare on my computer, I realized that I was about to vibrate myself to oblivion.

Okay, The Doctor is behind me now, giving my shoulders a wonderful deep tissue massage. I'm off, DG, I'm off!

Love,

Twinkie Princess

We Fit

My dear DP,

I emailed my friend Sasha to fill her in on my new training regimen, and couldn’t help but attach a photo of my uberhot trainer. She perhaps captured my journey to fitness best: "There are really no words for your trainer. How are you doing without wine?"

Which, considering my behavior back in NYC, especially right before we moved (you know the combo of the holidays + leaving my job + saying goodbye to all my NYC peeps was an alcohol-bloat- extravaganza), is an understandable reaction and a fair question. But what's miraculous, besides Colossus himself, obv, is the fact that I haven't missed alcohol! I haven't missed chocolate! And the only carb I've longed for is this fabulous granola they make at one of the grocery stores over here. I mean that stuff must be laced with crack. The BF and I could polish off one huge-ass bag a week. I somehow found a way to incorporate it into every meal, even more creatively than I did with Nutella. (Because let's face it, more often than not I would just eat Nutella out of the jar with a spoon. Who doesn’t?)

Anyway, all this is to say that I am very proud of myself for conquering my vices and getting fit for real. Of course, if your wedding is not going to motivate you to put down the Nutella jar, what will? But it's incredibly empowering to feel like the BF and I are changing our lifestyle for the better. And I thought you, Ms. Fitness Guru, would appreciate that.

Xoxo,

DG

P.S. In case you didn't notice, that subject line up there is a clever little pun (if I do say so myself) - you know, Wii Fit? We (the BF and I) are Fit? Get it? But seriously, I feel a little weird to be obsessed with a Nintendo product but I cannot wait for the BF to purchase us a Wii Fit - which I know he will, because he is a gadgetaholic. Have you seen these things? You can do yoga on it! You can do balance exercises on it! It's like having your own personal trainer right at home! Not that anything could ever replace Colossus. But. I'm just saying. The Wii Fit looks hot.

When Harry Met Jenny

W,

Well thank you for the pick-me-up (post-me-up?), you fabulous Domestic Partner you. As easily as you scandalize me – still! After all these years! – I have to say that creating a menu via Naked Twister is rather genius. I think you need to patent that.

Your kind words are the icing on the wedding cake, as I am feeling waaaaaaay better than I was the other day. And I’m sure it has nothing to do with the candid heart-to-heart convo the BF and I had about money and the wedding and EVERYTHING to do with Lauren “Devil Wears Prada” Weisberger’s fabulous new novel, released just in time for summer: Chasing Harry Winston.

And yes, I had to include both the US and UK covers (I read the UK version) because aren’t they too fabulous for words? How can you not drool over that bling and those stilettos?

Anyway, reading this book at this point in my life was like a shot of Nutella to the heart – invigorating, comforting, satiating. The book oozes fabulosity and girliness, but I think you might even like it! Seriously! Because these girls have issues! Like, realistic ones. And they deal with them, but not without a little pain along the way to the happy but not wholly predictable ending. I don’t want to drop any spoilers, so I won’t say much more except – sigh. Yes, that was the mellowed, happy sigh of someone who’s just delighting in being a girl again, instead of stressing at every twist and turn.

Not to mention that all this talk of jewelry has me hankering for a trip to Hatton Garden, London’s Diamond District – or, as these oft-tending-towards-verbose Brits call it, London’s Jewelry Quarter and UK Diamond Centre. You know, just to browse. And the BF even approves! He says he needs more input (read: decisiveness) regarding my Ring of Dreams, so I will be making a trip ASAP. Stay tuned… I know you’ll have your barf bucket in hand, but just try to appreciate this for the educational value, won’t you?

Ever yours,
DG

The Most Gorgeous, Glorious Gown Ever

W,

Behold my latest and greatest obsession (now that Nutella has been banned from my kitchen):


Photos courtesy of coleen-mcloughlin.net, which were courtesy of OK! Magazine.

I know you probably just threw up a little in your mouth, but be honest and try to have some fashion sense: have you ever in your life seen anything so glorious?

In case you don't know, the beacon of gorgeosity pictured above is Coleen McLoughlin, high school sweetheart and now wife of famed and fab English footballer Wayne Rooney. Coleen is a big style icon over here - a title of which I was dubious until she became Mrs. Rooney in that garment of delight and perfection.

I am shocked and disappointed that Coleen and Wayne's $10 million Wedding of the Decade has not gotten more press in the States, but then again perhaps that increases my chance of getting my hands on a dress like that before every bride in America does. I mean, not that I could afford the $200K Marchesa price tag, or that Georgina Chapman would get on her knees to make my dress by hand... but still. I. Love. That. Dress.

Just look at it in profile!



There are no words.

So yes, I was one of many who guilty forked over $6 of the BF's hard earned pound sterling to purchase last week's issue of OK! Magazine - deep guilt that was assuaged as soon as I returned home, plopped down at the kitchen table, and opened the Souvenir Special Biggest Ever Issue to the incredible pictures. That gorge Marchesa gown! The bridesmaids' white and gold Marchesa dresses and custom-made gold Christian Louboutins! The "mini-me" flower girls in tiny dresses that looked just like Coleen's! The only disappointment was the lack of other hottie English football stars in attendance. I mean if the Beckhams had been there I might have just keeled over. I'm not sure I or the rest of the world would have been prepared for such a level of fabulousness.

This dress has eclipsed my memory of anything else we were talking about. Sigh.

xoxo and Marchesa dreamz,
DG