Introducing the Parents...

Jen,

I think I finally stopped laughing over your big non-engagement ring "outing" your first day of business classes! Are you now known as "engagement ring Jen"? I'm sure there are 5-10 Jens in your program, so you clearly have some sort of descriptor going on before your name.

Ahem. Actually, while we were planning on getting Domestic Partnered in the post office, in the end we decided to be even *more* romantic and do it at the bank instead.

In response to your question re: my betrothed status, let's just say our parents aren't quite satisfied yet. Aside from that, anytime I refer to "My Partner, The Doctor," people either assume that a) I'm speaking about my business partner or b) I'm a lesbian.

Sigh.

But! BUT! The Doctor's family will be travelling from NYC to New England to visit my family this Thanksgiving and have their formal introductions.

Amazingly, I'm not nervous in the least. Mostly because of the following mathematical calculation (hello, you know how much we Asians love math).

Fabulous half-Asian family + Fabulous Jewish family = Super Fun Times.

Of course my wonderful Asian mum is already obsessing over all the following:

* "Where will The Doctor sleep?"

Mind you, because we're not married, my Asian mum typically puts us on SEPARATE FLOORS. Um, seriously. a) I'm almost 30 and b) We live together and c) We have been together for over 2 years and d) Mother, puh-lease! You're always embarrassing me!

* "What do Jewish people (read: non-Asian people) eat?"

Okay. As I have been dating Jewish guys since 1999, you think she would have a handle on this already, but she continues to obsess. This is the friendly exchange we had today:

Asian Mum: "Sue, what will The Doctor's family want to eat? No pork, right???!!"

Mean, Impatient Daughter: "Ma, I told you! They eat everything!"

Asian Mum: "What? Really? They eat pork?"

M.I.D.: "As The Doctor says, 'No one loves bacon as much as a Jew.' "

Asian Mum: "Bacon's too fatty. I don't want your father eating so much fat. His belly keeps getting bigger! He looks pregnant. Is The Doctor getting fat? Does he look pregnant? You both have to stop eating so much!"

M.I.D.: "Ma, stop being mean! I told you not to start making Fat Comments when we're home this time. Please, try not to tell The Doctor to "suck it in" while he's resting on the couch this time, okay? You're turning into your mother!"

Asian Mum: "I'm not being mean. Mummy loves you and The Doctor. Only Mummy will tell you the truth. Anyway, we're not having bacon. I want to have a make-your-own-sushi party."

I mean, obviously she does. We'll all just sit around in our lovely kimonos, eat sashimi with chopsticks in our hair, and occasionally get up to shuffle around the house with our little feet.

The meeting will obviously be a riot.

Love,

Fatso Sue

Fusion Finances and JewAsians

Dearest Domestic Goddess,

My lord. While you were busy figuring out what monogram is going to be on your wedding invitations and bathrobes, I was asking The Doctor the following question, "Darling, if you die and I'm already dead (even though I'm 10 years younger and fabulously fit), to whom should our possessions go?" Of course, at this point my only prized possessions are my laptop and my various assortment of vibrators, and those should probably be buried with me.

Why was I asking such a horrid question? Because, in Domestic Partnership land here in Manhattan, we've got our follow up appointment with our Financial Advisor (i.e. "Our Relationships Savior").

We had to sit down today for two hours and discuss forming our future living wills, our investment strategy, when we plan to retire and die, how outrageous we are about spending lots of money on wine and sake, why his insists on throwing his underwear all over the apartment, Italian-Japanese fusion (the newest downtown trendy delight) and other only-necessary-in-NY-but-possibly-London sort of financial things.

The amazing thing is that I would rather be spending hours talking about finances then looking at monograms. It's sounds so terribly WASPy, my dear Domestic Goddess. You see, here in Asian Dragon-Jewish Doctor (JewAsian? Jew(y)ellow?) Couplehood, we just don't think of these things.

That said, I want whatever you want. (I'm sitting here, trembling in my seat, for fear of pissing off Bridezilla-in-Waiting). They are all stunningly beautiful monograms.

I mean, obviously I'm just jealous.

Don't you see? The real reason I don't want to get married is because Asians simply don't look good in white. It so doesn't go with our skin tone.

xx,
Twinkie