Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Bridal Mag Hag

Hello from the great state of Michigan!

Yes, DP, I am back in the good ol' US of A, though just for a quick trip to check out my mom's new digs (and have her take me shopping - obv). Although I miss the BF tremendously, it is great to be back in the land of the free, eating bratwurst and cheese curds (Colossus be damned!) and watching Chicago Cubs games. Ah yes, the midwest brings out a whole different side of me, doesn't it? And that side is growing wider by the second, I might add. I can feel the cheese curds going right to my hips. Colossus is going to have my ass on a platter for this behavior, but I just can't help myself. Fortunately I will be back in Londontown soon.

One of my other top priorities for this quick jaunt across the pond, I'll have you know, is making a great investment in my wedding planning: bridal magazines! Yessssssssssss!!! I have waited my whole life to actually legitimately buy a bridal magazine, and now I am the proud owner of five - count 'em - FIVE!

Okay, and when I say "legitimately" I am obviously looking right past my bare ring finger. FYI, I did ask the BF if I could purchase these magazines while over here and he gave me his blessing (of course, I would have bought them and sneaked them back into the house anyway but don't tell him I said that).

Are you ready? Here they are:


And the best part is, these are the summer issues - and our wedding is next fall - so I will have to buy a whole new crop when the fall 2008 issues are out! Woohoo!

You may also notice that I have already gone through one of them and marked some ideas with sticky notes. I am going to relish every page of these babies. Best. Plane reading. Ever.

So that's it from Motown. I will be back to London and my Domestic Goddess duties soon!



Sunday, July 27, 2008

Why I Heart and Hate Europe


Sorry it has taken me a few days to reply... I am finally recovered from your scandalous commentary (and the scary visuals that went with it - yikes). Not that I'm opposed to porn, per se, but, well, yes, I think perhaps you need a break. Ack! Now I'm all flustered again. Ok, focus.

So, I spoke too soon. Not about porn, but about chocolate. Specifically, Nutella (or, as it is known to us true devotees, Sex in a Jar). I knew I should not have made such a big deal about banishing Nutella from my pantry and my heart until my honeymoon. Because I live in Europe now, and as the old saying goes, you can take the girl out of the Nutella, but you can't take the Nutella out of the continent. Or whatever.



Your eyes do not deceive you. That is a GIANT GLASS PITCHER of Nutella, you know, just casually gracing the shelf of a grocery store.

Argh! Will Colossus and my upcoming nuptials be enough to help me conquer this foe???

Stay tuned. And put the vibrator down.



Thursday, July 24, 2008

Porn and Partnerships

Dear Domestic Goddess,

Ahem. How are you living in Europe without eating granola every single day? When I studied in Paris, I used to stay home on Friday nights (or, perhaps, also on Saturday nights), just to eat my granola with real chocolate chunks in it. I would race down the hallway to my friend's room and order her to hide the box of chocolate granola from me! Why the U.S. can't have this simple delight is beyond comprehension; that said, I'd be 20 pounds heavier if they did.

So. Um. Did you guys seriously not eat carbs and not drink in Italy? That seems a bit insane. No gelato? No red wine? No pasta? DG, I no longer have respect for you.

Things in Domestic Partnership land are grand, I will admit. Thankfully, I'm on baby-hiatus, no doubt in part to the fact that you've returned from your big voyage. I've got home-hunting on my mind, rather than leg-spreading.

Speaking of which... I've decided I need to take a break from porn. My addiction to it has gone too far, and I need a long hiatus. Have you and The Lawyer started watching it together yet? When The Doctor was gone last weekend, I went a bit vibrator-crazy with some of my favorite porn sites. Aside from the fact that one of the sites downloaded annoying SpyWare on my computer, I realized that I was about to vibrate myself to oblivion.

Okay, The Doctor is behind me now, giving my shoulders a wonderful deep tissue massage. I'm off, DG, I'm off!


Twinkie Princess

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

We Fit

My dear DP,

I emailed my friend Sasha to fill her in on my new training regimen, and couldn’t help but attach a photo of my uberhot trainer. She perhaps captured my journey to fitness best: "There are really no words for your trainer. How are you doing without wine?"

Which, considering my behavior back in NYC, especially right before we moved (you know the combo of the holidays + leaving my job + saying goodbye to all my NYC peeps was an alcohol-bloat- extravaganza), is an understandable reaction and a fair question. But what's miraculous, besides Colossus himself, obv, is the fact that I haven't missed alcohol! I haven't missed chocolate! And the only carb I've longed for is this fabulous granola they make at one of the grocery stores over here. I mean that stuff must be laced with crack. The BF and I could polish off one huge-ass bag a week. I somehow found a way to incorporate it into every meal, even more creatively than I did with Nutella. (Because let's face it, more often than not I would just eat Nutella out of the jar with a spoon. Who doesn’t?)

Anyway, all this is to say that I am very proud of myself for conquering my vices and getting fit for real. Of course, if your wedding is not going to motivate you to put down the Nutella jar, what will? But it's incredibly empowering to feel like the BF and I are changing our lifestyle for the better. And I thought you, Ms. Fitness Guru, would appreciate that.



P.S. In case you didn't notice, that subject line up there is a clever little pun (if I do say so myself) - you know, Wii Fit? We (the BF and I) are Fit? Get it? But seriously, I feel a little weird to be obsessed with a Nintendo product but I cannot wait for the BF to purchase us a Wii Fit - which I know he will, because he is a gadgetaholic. Have you seen these things? You can do yoga on it! You can do balance exercises on it! It's like having your own personal trainer right at home! Not that anything could ever replace Colossus. But. I'm just saying. The Wii Fit looks hot.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Baby Name Bliss


Amazing. You and the Doctor are discussing baby names over there in NYC, while the Lawyer and I are IMing about them, literally, as I type this! Love it.

So did you guys pick anything? Are you going to do family names or just pick a name you like? I know you must be bummed that Brangelina already took "Knox Leon" - I'm sure that was at the top of your list. I must give them credit for Vivienne Marcheline, however. Gorge. And what about Nicole Kidman and Kieth Urban's new baby, Sunday Rose? I kind of like that too.

We are going the family route, though subtely. No Lawyer, Jr. or anything like that. We are using last names as first names, favorite family names, abbreviated family names. I just looked up all their meanings this morning and most of them are fab! "Favored grace" is the meaning of our top girl name. I mean, can't beat that! And "pearl" is the meaning of the other, which will always remind me of my cat. I got her for Christmas when I was four, and wanted to name her "dead flower" because she was the light brown color of a flower faded and shriveled in the sun. When my mom suggested I think of other names, I thought of Pearl and then, the winner: Violet. Which is a name I actually love. Too bad I am kind of anti naming kids after pets. Though I could also say I'm naming the kid after Ben Affleck and Jen Garner's tot. She's a cutie.

For boys, we had to cross off our top pick because its meaning was "little dark one" and that sounds too ominous. But instead we found "wealthy guard," "full of goodness," and "strong protector," all of which are winners in my book.

So now I just need to get engaged, get my MBA, get married, and get knocked up! The Ring of Dreams may not be purchased, and the wedding planning may have a long way to go, but at least we've got the names figured out.



P.S. Notice I am ignoring your whole pre-nup schpiel. I mean could you BE any less romantic? I guess I get your drift, but I'd rather think about diamonds and babies. Obv.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Little Liabilities and Prenups

Domestic Goddess,

Thank god you're back! Now you can be the one to coo over spawning children, and I can pretend to get back to my anti-baby ways. The other day, The Doctor and I were sitting around thinking of baby names.

Oy, I think I just threw up on myself.

And last night, while I was a bit drunk, I called Scott up and said, "Let's try having a baby tonight!" But it was only temporary insanity, as I was out with co-workers and one of them just announced that his wife is pregnant. I'll let you guess who at a later moment.

For the past year, I've just thought of babies as little liabilities that run around and bother you until they're 30! Which brings me to our next Domestic Partner adventure.

The other day, we had a session with a financial adviser. This was a big deal for both of us, since money can be such a touchy subject. Carey, our adviser and now relationship therapist, said, "I don't care what anyone says. Money is a more intimate subject than sex!" At that point, I knew she was hired.

Carey, our Savior, will help us plan when we can buy an apartment and then potentially start a baby fund. I'm obsessed with this wealth vault we have, which keeps track of where all your money is in stocks, bonds, mutual funds, bank accounts and savings account in a side-by-side comparison and then shows you your net worth. Hot.

She asked us all these questions about being in a Domestic Partnership, and whether we ever planned to get married. I'm sure I'm the only woman she's ever had in there who is dating a doctor, makes a fraction of what he does, and says, "Not without a prenup." I know it's terribly unromantic, dear Domestic Goddess, but it's tres important in my book. Even Carey agreed and she's getting one with her finance! She said in The Doctor's field, he could be sued, and if we were married I'd be equally as liable. No thanks.

The Doctor and I have never been on the same financial page, as he's a spender and I'm a saver. I was getting really stressed out about this issue over the last two years, but now our Savior can direct (i.e. kick) him in the right direction, and I can sit back and drink my martini.


Domestic Partner

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Food Glorious Food

Dearest DP,

My fabulous tan and I are back from Italy and we would just like to say: Have a baby! Have two! Hooray babies! I am soooo psyched that your biological clock has kicked back into gear. Hallelujah!

Now, back to me and my pre-engagement wedding planning. I promise no more talk of diamonds for the moment. In fact you will be thrilled to find out what I am writing to discuss today, as it is your number one favorite thing in the world (ok, maybe one and a half, just a smidge after sex in your book): FOOD!

I told you how I started looking at wedding catering sites, right? Well I basically chose two – the two with the best websites, both of which come highly recommended by the event planner at the Locale of Dreams – and have begun courting them. Which is weird for me. I am just not good in situations like this because I want to be friends with (or at least hire) everyone! I want everyone to get our business! Really, The Lawyer would be much better at this part of the wedding planning, but I am trying my best.

So anyway: wedding caterer wooing. I haven’t felt wanted this bad since – well, you can imagine. It’s fab! Basically I just emailed these two companies, telling them which foods the BF and I like and dislike, and what we envision for our menu. And then these geniuses turn our simplistic ideas (fish ‘n chips) into culinary masterpieces (scottish smoked salmon on a crisp potato gaufrette with dill sour cream, caper, and red onion compote)!

Granted, these catering proposals are not helping me stay enthusiastic about the Colossus-designed diet of protein, protein, and more protein; and these fabulous-sounding food items are all on paper and not splayed before me in a sumptuous feast; but I still feel rather regal being on the receiving end of these heavenly menus.

Will keep you posted as the proposals progress… obv.


Thursday, July 10, 2008

To Baby or Not to Baby?

Dearest Domestic Goddess,

While you're off frolicking in Italy, my biggest highlight this week has been getting amazing health insurance! As you know, I've had Freelancer's Union health insurance this past year, which really did nothing for me unless I all of a sudden woke up one day with three eyes and one leg.

Anyway, since getting on The Doctor's Health Insurance (as our Domestic Partnership went through beautifully with his hospital), the strangest thing has happened... all of a sudden, I want to go for every medical checkup I can think of! Pathetically, I just want to go for fun because I can. And, equally as strange, is this sudden desire to reproduce again. As you know, I've been tres anti-baby for a while, so this has been the biggest shocker to me.

This past year, I didn't do my usual somewhat dangerous activities of snowboarding, rockclimbing and the like, and I think it's because I was too nervous without good health insurance. I had read in The Armchair Economist: Economics & Everyday Life, that people will drive more recklessly with seat belts and airbags. In fact, the author, Steven E. Landsburg, writes, "[in order] to bring about a major reduction in the accident rate: Require every car to have a spear mounted on the steering wheel, pointed directly at the driver's heart." No doubt that would bring about safer driving from all these NYC taxi driving freaks.

Moving on. Now that I feel like hanging out at the doctor's office every five seconds, all of a sudden my uterus has come alive again! I assumed this year that I didn't want to have kids after watching several of my friends' marriages dissolve because of kids and household responsibilities. I'm not interested in kickin' it with my Domestic Partner due to a poop-filled diaper, you know?

But now I'm wondering if it had to do with not having health insurance, and not feeling like I had enough money to provide for Little Baby Buddha. I've been getting more clients, so I've been feeling more financially secure, and, with that, it makes me think it's okay for me to spawn. (Though me and my beloved's kids may be so weird that they'll spin out into outer space, so maybe it's not a good idea...)

Who really knows what's going on? I'm 29 and I really thought my belly was Closed For Business. Perhaps, since 30 is fast approaching, my clock is coming out of the dust-filled basement?

Guess I can't call babies Little Liabilities anymore.


Domestic Partner

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Show Me the Blingy

Sue darling,

It has been an historic day. Well, not actually all that historic, since the BF and I browsed rings in the States at Tiffany before we moved, but how I love typing “an historic” and also, today was no slouch of a day, either!

In true Lady of Leisure style, I sashayed and shanteyed (wow, it’s been a long time since I’ve quoted RuPaul – I am showing my age) up, around, over, and through Hatton Garden, London’s blingtacular diamond district. How fabulously civilized it was! There were no skeevy men trying to woo you into their stores like they do in NYC – and I mean, does that ever work? Ew. And the three salespeople with whom I worked were all totally friendly and helpful. If only their rings were a little nicer… alas, I am still lusting after a Tiffany diamond, as the BF and his bank account will no doubt be thrilled to hear.

[That being said, it’s his own fault. He is the one that suggested we take a spin through Tiffany on that glorious day back in January. I mean what did he expect?]

Even if I did not find the Ring of Dreams today, my delicious journey was educational and eye-opening. I learned a lot about the ring fabrication process, and about diamonds themselves. Or, rather, how effing expensive they are. One moment that was positively surreal witnessed me balancing two diamonds in my finger cleavage (you know, if you straighten your fingers and then smush them together) to compare their size and color. These were not huge stones, mind you – one was 1 carat, the other was about 1.5 carats – but there I was, with $40,000 worth of diamonds sitting in my finger cleave. It was mayjah.

To be perfectly honest, I am just trying to bask in the glory of my truly leisurely and fabulous day and not freak out about how INCREDIBLY FRICKING RIDICULOUSLY OVERPRICED these things are. I have accepted that I am a total sucker for this tradition of ye olde diamond engagement ring, and I must suffer the consequences (guilt, guilt, and more guilt) in the knowledge that it will be worth it to have my Ring of Dreams on my finger as a symbol of our love and a future family heirloom. TG the BF loves me enough to support all this. Well, or at least he does now. I cannot speak for when he learns that my heart does, indeed, belong to Tiffany after all…

How about you? Are you even considering getting some sort of ring at this point? Don’t let me down, sista!


Your DG

P.S. Off to galavant with the BF around Italy! Back soon! Ciao!

P.P.S. And don't think the joy of being able to take vacation whenever I want is lost on your favorite Lady of Leisure...

Thursday, July 3, 2008

When Harry Met Jenny


Well thank you for the pick-me-up (post-me-up?), you fabulous Domestic Partner you. As easily as you scandalize me – still! After all these years! – I have to say that creating a menu via Naked Twister is rather genius. I think you need to patent that.

Your kind words are the icing on the wedding cake, as I am feeling waaaaaaay better than I was the other day. And I’m sure it has nothing to do with the candid heart-to-heart convo the BF and I had about money and the wedding and EVERYTHING to do with Lauren “Devil Wears Prada” Weisberger’s fabulous new novel, released just in time for summer: Chasing Harry Winston.

Photobucket Photobucket

And yes, I had to include both the US and UK covers (I read the UK version) because aren’t they too fabulous for words? How can you not drool over that bling and those stilettos?

Anyway, reading this book at this point in my life was like a shot of Nutella to the heart – invigorating, comforting, satiating. The book oozes fabulosity and girliness, but I think you might even like it! Seriously! Because these girls have issues! Like, realistic ones. And they deal with them, but not without a little pain along the way to the happy but not wholly predictable ending. I don’t want to drop any spoilers, so I won’t say much more except – sigh. Yes, that was the mellowed, happy sigh of someone who’s just delighting in being a girl again, instead of stressing at every twist and turn.

Not to mention that all this talk of jewelry has me hankering for a trip to Hatton Garden, London’s Diamond District – or, as these oft-tending-towards-verbose Brits call it, London’s Jewelry Quarter and UK Diamond Centre. You know, just to browse. And the BF even approves! He says he needs more input (read: decisiveness) regarding my Ring of Dreams, so I will be making a trip ASAP. Stay tuned… I know you’ll have your barf bucket in hand, but just try to appreciate this for the educational value, won’t you?

Ever yours,

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Lady of Leisure Gets Reprimanded


It’s funny. I had never visited the Tiffany’s website or knew the difference between cushion or princess diamonds before I met you, my beloved Domestic Goddess. To me they all looked the same, and a baguette was something you ate in France, rather than put around your diamond.

My point is this: you are the queen of all this stuff! If anyone can plan a super-duper-icky-cheesy-ridiculously-sweet-making-Domestic-Partner-barf wedding, it’s you!

I think it’s just a minor bump in your journey down the Thames River. You should be taking advantage of making all your girlfriends jealous over the remaining Lady of Leisure months you have! I mean, ew, you are spending your days seeing your trainer, shopping, and then seeing your future hubby in the evenings and boinking him. You’re like all those mummies at our fundraising job that we used to hate because we were so jealous of them.

All will be well soon, not to worry. In the meantime, maybe you can make this wedding planning chaos a bit more fun. For instance, play naked twister, but under each of the circles, have different options for what the appetizers should be. If you fall on a red circle, maybe that means you’ll have duck rather than chicken as the main course.

I don’t know, all this stuff is giving me a big pre-coital headache. This is why I got DPd at the bank.

Onward, DG, onward!