Why Isn't This More Fun?

Ah Wendi,

I love how your keen sense of ladylike decorum comes through in your writing. I will never think of my protein shakes the same way again.

Hope you had a good weekend though. I miraculously survived another training session with Colossus and am anticipating another successful cleaning date with my beloved Dyson this morning.

But, alas, I'm feeling a little down. About this wedding planning stuff.

You know, before I met The Lawyer, I never allowed myself to visit TheKnot.com. Well, ok, fine. I might have typed the address into my web browser a few or dozen or so times, out of sheer boredom and desperation and inability to think of anywhere else to surf. But I never allowed myself to set up a profile.

I just knew it would be worth the wait. The BF would propose, I'd have my Ring of Dreams on my finger, and the sun would be shining and angels singing on the day I opened my laptop and logged into The Knot as a bride-to-be.

Things didn't exactly turn out that way, not that I mind. In fact I kind of love that the BF and I are doing things a bit inversely, booking our dream location before actually getting engaged (not that the event manager knows - sshhh!). Plus, it makes sense for me, since I will be starting my MBA in September. Best to get this stuff done now, as a Lady of Leisure, before I become a Student of Stress. I feel secure and happy and excited to get engaged and I think our family and friends will get a kick out of the fact that we booked everything before our actual engagement. I mean it's cute, right?

Me to family member/friend: "Guess what? I'm ENGAGED!"

FM/F: "That's great! I am so happy for you! Have you thought about a date?"

Me: "Yup! And a time, and a location. Invitations forthcoming. And there will be fabulous mini grilled cheese sandwiches passed during the 4:30-5:30 cocktail hour."

I mean, that's cute, right?

So why isn't this more fun?

We booked our date a couple weeks ago, and I had the green light to start planning, so off I went… and then I stalled. It wasn't until recently that I was able to sit myself back down to look at some caterer's websites. We also received our lengthy contracts in the mail, but signing them (and the deposit check to go along with them) was more painful than joyful.

Don't get me wrong. I was listening when EVERY bride EVER declared that planning a wedding is stressful. But this is, like, one of the only things on my docket right now. I could browse wedding sites all day, every day, la dee da, without a care in the world save for my aching legs courtesy of Colossus. And I am determined to have fun with it, dammit! Who cares if I don't have my Ring of Dreams tossing glorious rays of light around my kitchen as I type? Who cares if I am completely financially dependent on my fian - excuse me, boyfriend - right now and thus feel twice the pressure of a lack of liquid funds with which to consider satin linens over polyester and butternut squash soup served in a wee carved out pumpkin over a plain old bowl?

Oh - I care. Crap.

Wah...
DG