Sunday, August 17, 2008

Madonna is Fifty!

Dear Jen,

I would just like to take a moment of respect to re-celebrate Madonna turning 50 over the weekend.

I mean, look at her in Perez's blog.

And then, again, with Justin Timberlake:

As you would say, dear Domestic Goddess, she's A to the Mazing.

Which brings me to my next point. In about 3 months, I'll be turning 30. I realize, at this point, that I really have nothing to worry about. Women in their 40s are seriously hotter than women in their 20s. If anything, I should be thrilled to be getting older, no? I'll be hitting my sexual peak in my 30s (lord help The Doctor for being 10 years older than me), and should probably be seeking Cougar-status and dating younger men in my early 40s (like I said, The Doctor's 10 years older than me so we'll have to strike a deal). Let's look for a moment at Kim Cattrall who's dating a 29 year old. She's hot, and also just turned 50.

Regardless, I have my turning 30 Fitness and Nutrition routine (Hey, if you're able to get a personal trainer 2 years before your wedding, I'm allowed this, right?)

1. Thou shall not eat popcorn every other night (even though you pop it with grapeseed oil and butter.)
Punishment: 10 Squats, 10 Pushups and 10 Butt Squeezes

2. Thou shall not drink wine like it's a spiritual potion every day of the week (even though the French can drink copious glasses of red wine and not get fat, we don't hate them)
Punishment: No reading of gossip magazines for 1 month

3. Thou shall not consider your walk to and from the subway station enough exercise (even though, hello, get someone from the suburbs to walk .25 miles in heels and convince them it's not a workout)
Punishment: Yoga classes down the block -- and conveniently closer than the subway.

4. Thou shall not consider french fries a vegetable (even though half of my health clients try to pass this off as substantial nutrition for the week)
Punishment: Sweet potato fries!

5. Thou shall chew -- not inhale -- your food every day between now and November.
Punishment: I'll have to swallow, well, you know. And you know I hate to swallow.

In my mind, the DomestiGals, like Madonna and Kim Cattrall, are ageless.

We are, right?


29 and counting

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