Saturday, August 23, 2008

Money and Wedding Etiquette

Dearest Jen,

You were *much* needed here in the Big Apple the other day. My friend, Dana, and I were completely lost without you. Dana has been with her boyfriend for about eight years, and the other day they decided to get engaged -- just because.

Actually, she forgot to tell me she was engaged for about 2 weeks. You see, I’d like to take a DomestiGal moment to explain that Dana – like me – is not a blushing-bride-in-waiting. She’s a little more “traditional” than me, I suppose, because she’s actually going to have a wedding. But, in the end, she didn’t really care about transitioning from her Domestic Partnership status to Wedded Bliss.

Which brings me to my question.

This question has to deal with wedding etiquette. You see, she doesn’t want to have a bridal registry and get a bunch of useless Tupperware and china dishes that she’ll only end up breaking or selling on eBay. Instead, she wants hard cold cash.


Clearly it’s tres rude to just say, “Give me cash, not cheesy gifts” on your wedding card invitation. But how should one go about doing this?

One of her friends told her that she should just register on The Knot, get all the gifts, and then exchange them for cash. But then she has just made all her friends pay for shipping, and it seems just as mean-spirited to do such a thing.

Thoughts out there in DomestiGal land?

How have the rest of you dealt with this not-quite-as-delicate-as-your-cooch issue?


Domestic Partner Sue


Kathryn said...

You should never ask for cash, just like you shouldn't include your registry info in your invitations. Make it known to your maid of honor or mother, and they can sort of let people know this (just like they would let someone know where you're registered). But she should expect that some people aren't going to get the message and send/bring gifts anyway.

Bekah said...

I was no blushing bride either. In fact a week before my wedding I asked if it was too late to just run off and elope instead of have the big party.

Registering -- we didn't really do it either. We did a honeymoon registry, which the knot will tell you is tacky. But the knot is really just a place for snarky brides to rip other girls down...unfortunately. If she doesnt want a registry just dont have one. Like I said, we did the honeymoon one, just because we were asked so often about where we were registered we got tired of explaining that not everyone NEEDS matching china. We only had like 10 things on it, and once they were bought we didn't add anything to it. The majority of people just gave us $$. One or two people will still give you dish towels with dalmatians on them no matter what you do.

Good Luck!

michellewoo said...

A friend of mine sent out wedding invitations with the words "Envelopes only." I was confused for a second and then understood and found that to be pretty off-putting. (Another friend sent out invites with the words "wallet-$ized gift$, plea$e" — tacky!) I've never liked the idea of registries either as I've always been what you might call a "creative gift giver." I love putting time and thought into the process. In the end, though, I gave my friend the cash and hey, we're still friends. Good luck to your friend!

Tiffany said...

I went to a wedding where the bride and groom included a little note that said they were saving up for a house and instead of a registry if the guests could donate to their house fund.

I didn't find it tacky (and I don't think most guests did either) but then again, we are Chinese (so was the bride) so we give cash anyway.